Gray Love: Stories About Dating and New Relationships After 60
Gray Love: Stories About Dating and New Relationships After 60
edited by Nan Bauer-Maglin and Daniel E. Hood contributions by Laura Broadwell, Stephanie M. Brown, Elizabeth Locke, Candida B. Korman, Amy Rogers, Margie Kaplan, Alice F. Freed, Hedva Lewittes, Rett Zabriskie, Irvin Peckham, William Wiesner, Natasha Josefowitz, Phyllis Bogen, Erica Manfred, Judith Ugelow Blak, Linda Wright Moore, Jean Y. Leung, Jan Jacobson, Stephanie Speer, David Levy, Nan Bauer-Maglin, Sandi Goldie, Jim Bronson, Vincent Valenti, Stacey Parkins Millett, Eugene Roth, Isabel Hill, Doris Friedensohn, Paul Lauter, Susan O’Malley, Barbara Abercrombie, Daniel E. Hood, Susan Bickley, Sarah Dunn, Mimi Schwartz, Bonnie Fails, Angela Page, Tierl Thompson, Idris Walters, Dustin Beall Smith, Cynthia McVay, Susan Ostrov Weisser, Phyllis Carito, Neil Stein and Jonathan Ned Katz
Rutgers University Press, 2023 eISBN: 978-1-9788-2730-1 | Paper: 978-1-9788-2727-1 | Cloth: 978-1-9788-2726-4 Library of Congress Classification HQ1061.G7135 2023 Dewey Decimal Classification 306.730846
ABOUT THIS BOOK | AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY | REVIEWS | TOC
ABOUT THIS BOOK
Gray Love narrates stories about the most common themes – searching for and (perhaps) finding love. Forty-five men and women between ages 60 and 94 from diverse backgrounds talk about dating, starting or ending a relationship, embracing life alone or enjoying a partnered one. The longing for connection as old age encroaches is palpable here, with more and more senior singles searching online. Those who find new partners explore issues that most relationships encounter at any age, as well as some that are unique to elder relationships. These include having had previous partners and a complicated and deep personal history; family and friends’ reactions to an older person’s dating; alternative models to marriage (such as sharing space or living apart); having more than one partner at the same time; one’s aging body, appearance, and sexuality; and the pressure of time and the specter of illness and death.
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY
NAN BAUER-MAGLINis Professor Emerita at the City University of New York. She has published eight collections (six with coeditors) on topics such as step-families, retirement, feminism, death, dying and choice, and older parenting. Her latest book is Widows’ Words: Women Write on the Experience of Grief, The First Year, The Long Haul, and Everything In Between.
DANIEL E. HOOD is a retired professor of sociology. He taught at several New York Metro area schools for four decades. His latest book is Redemption and Recovery: Parallels of Religion and Science in Addiction Treatment. His memoir essay, “Better Late Than Never,” was recently published in Tick Tock: Essays on Becoming a Parent After 40.
REVIEWS
"These are fresh, new voices that give dignity, pathos, humor, and warmth to the search for love, or finding love, in the third or fourth quartile of life. This is a book that people of a certain age should read -- but also people who will, I hope, reach a certain age --because they should know that love and passion can exist way beyond reproductive years."
— Pepper Schwartz, author of 50 Great Myths of Human Sexuality, and on-air relationship expert, Married at First Sight
"An inspiring collection of personal stories from individuals seeking emotional and physical relationships in their later years. Their honest, insightful, and poignant narratives are a worthwhile addition to age studies."
— Ellyn Lem, author of Gray Matters: Finding Meaning in the Stories of Later Life
"Everything you wanted to know about late-life dating and mating... and then some, from wide-ranging personal accounts."
— Susan Gubar, author of Late-Life Love: A Memoir
"Cupid’s got a lousy sense of humor. We just keep longing for romance and companionship—even in our nineties. Love’s a drive—like thirst and hunger. And this book shows the yearning (and resignation) among older folks with touching delicacy and exquisite sophistication. It’s a treasure."
— Dr. Helen Fisher, Chief Science Advisor to Match.com, author of Anatomy of Love: A Natural History of Mating, Marriage
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Introduction
Prelude
Looking at Sixty by Cynthia McVay
Part I. To Be or Not To Be In A Relationship: Tales of Humor, Disappointment, Rewards, and Personal Insight
1. Not Jane Eyre’s Story by Susan Ostrov Weisser
2. Discovery through Online Dating Sites: A Woman’s Perspective by Phyllis Carito
3. Close Encounters of the Fifth Kind by Nan Bauer-Maglin
4. Confessions of an Online Dater by Neil Stein
5. Advertisement for Myself by Jonathan Ned Katz
6. What Would I Wear? by Laura Broadwell
7. Something from Everyone by Stephanie M. Brown
8. A (Mostly) Amusing Exercise in Futility by Elizabeth Locke
9. Rick Redux by Candida B. Korman
10. You Say Potato by Amy Rogers
11. Three Dates by Margie Kaplan
12. Dreams and Matches in an Unsure Virtual World by Alice F. Freed
13. In Transition, Not Seeking for Now by Hedva Lewittes
14. “Do You Get It Yet?” by Rett Zabriskie
15. On the Road by Irvin Peckham
16. Dark Clouds and Silver Linings by William Wiesner
17. An Octogenarian’s Adventures in Online Dating by Natasha Josefowitz
18. Coping with COVID-19 by Phyllis Bogen
19. It’s Valentine’s Day. So What! by Erica Manfred
20. What’s Sex Got To Do With It? by Judith Ugelow Blak
21. Gray Love en Noir: African American Women Flying Solo by Choice and by Chance by Linda Wright Moore
22. Passion and Prejudice by Jean Y. Leung
Part II. The Complications and Pleasures of Elder Relationships
23. Checking a Different Box by Jan Jacobson
24. Weume by Stephanie Speer and David Levy
25. Begin Again? by Sandi Goldie and Jim Bronson
26. The Wizard of Algo by Vincent Valenti
27. Date, Marry, Repeat by Stacey Parkins Millett
28. Late in the Dating Game: Walked, Homered, Fouled Out by Eugene Roth
29. Matchmaker, Matchmaker! by Isabel Hill
30. A Cozy, Crowded Bed by Nan Bauer-Maglin
31. Our Bench and Other Late Life Wonders by Doris Friedensohn and Paul Lauter
32. Love after Seventy and Eighty by Susan O’Malley
33. Where Is This Going? by Barbara Abercrombie
34. Pleasures and Complications: Living Apart Together by Susan Bickley
35. Parallel Matches by Anonymous
36. Reflections on “Old Love” by Sarah Dunn
37. A Vine of Roses by Mimi Schwartz
38. From Texas to Ohio by Bonnie Fails
39. Till Illness Do Us Part? by Angela Page
40. What Remains Has Just Begun by Tierl Thompson and Idris Walters
41. At Once by Dustin Beall Smith
Acknowledgements
Notes on Contributors
